By Mark J. Mitchell, Jacqueline D. Wilson, Nancy Bennett

Difficult economic times create many clear challenges for schools in managing financial aid for families. Accounting for unemployed parents, assessing the impact of decreased home values, incorporating the evaporation of retirement or investment accounts, and projecting the school’s budgetary needs in the midst of it all are just a few of the confounding concerns that recessionary periods exacerbate. A complex job gets harder. In presentations around the country about this, I’ve been able to help schools consider and predict situations and circumstances that would require revisiting policies, recalculating awards, and exercising professional judgment.

But that’s only part of the challenge for financial aid professionals.

For me, figuring out the quantitative and procedural aspects of the challenge is easier than maneuvering the emotional and psychological loops that parents and administrators will feel. Financial aid professionals will need to know how to cope with parental stress as well as managing their own. More people who never needed aid before will come to you to ask for help; more self-sufficient adults will cry to you about having no control over losing their jobs; more prideful parents will tell you you’re shattering their private school dreams; and more people will express the general worry and anxiety that the means they have today could evaporate at any minute.

You need strength and encouragement to manage through all of that without losing your own sanity and sense of professionalism. Taking care of the caretaker, though, is not my strong suit. So, I asked somebody to help me help you. Jacqueline Wilson, executive director of the Washington, DC-based Black Student Fund, has a master’s degree in pastoral counseling, so I thought she would know what to say. She was kind enough to offer her advice:

Show empathy
Two of the most sensitive conversations to have with parents have to do with their money and their children and conversations regarding financial aid cover both. As difficult as the conversation is for you as the financial aid professional, it is twice as difficult for the parents.

Be a good listener
Even if you are unable to provide sufficient funds for a family, if you engage in active listening, the parents will feel that the school (represented by you) cares about them and is doing all that can be done. “Unpack” the parents’ concerns and make sure that you are able to help them see what their issues really are.

Prepare for the unexpected
Anything can arise in a conversation regarding financial aid. Parents may cry, they may yell, they may inform you that they have made sacrifices recently by going out on their 30 foot boat twice last summer instead of every weekend. Attacks that seem to be directed at you are not. They are have been made out of frustration – so don’t take them personally.

Schedule sufficient time for conversations with parents
On your calendar, block out at least 90 minutes, if not longer. One of the worst things to do to a parent who is in distress is to end the meeting abruptly (from their perspective, even if you have been speaking for one hour) because you have another engagement. Also, depending on your level of stress, you may need 15-30 minutes to “regroup” after the conversation.

Know yourself
Recognize that these conversations may be difficult for you and have a strategy in place to help you deal with your stress (i.e. take a 15 minute walk outside and breathe in the fresh air, walk around campus and remind yourself of the students that have been served by your school’s financial aid program).

If these conversations are really difficult for you, it may be helpful to invite another administrator who is a part of the financial aid committee to participate in the meeting.

You might also find it helpful to develop a list of phrases that convey the school’s position on how financial aid is allocated in a caring, professional way in advance.

Plan for triage
Just as emergency room personnel have to prioritize who will receive medical attention immediately, financial aid administrators have to begin to look at how to prioritize – who needs funding immediately? Who needs “stop-gap” aid? Who just can’t be helped? In the end, just as the folks in the ER cannot save everyone, schools with limited budgets cannot fund everyone. Fortunately, unlike those folks in the ER, the consequences of not being able to help someone in the end are not nearly so dire.

Commiserate
Nancy Bennett, director of financial aid at Albuquerque Academy, reminds us that as a financial aid administrator, you do not have to carry the emotional burden alone. There is no other personthat understands what you are dealing with better than another financial aid administrator. Seek out your colleagues to helpyou handle the stress – just talking through a parent’s difficult situation with a colleague who doesn't know the parent can provide some relief and a different perspective. Pick up the phone and talk to a colleague out of state. Take a call from a colleague who just needs to talk to someone who will understand how hard some of these conversations with parents are.

Take the good with the bad
Administering financial aid may be rewarding because, through the financial aid dollars, students who otherwise would not be able to attend an independent school now can. That’s the good. Difficult conversations with distressed, frustrated, angry parents are also a part of the position. That’s the bad.

So always continue to find comfort that there is ultimately FAR more good than bad in your work. FAR more. You may not feel it in any particular moment during the stressful times, but when you watch a young person who you helped in the financial aid process become valedictorian, win a state championship, or get elected President of the United States, memories of the stressful moments wash away as if they never existed.